It has been a little more than a year and half since I tested HIV-positive and I wonder, what does World AIDS Day signify, what does it mean to me? As the HIV/AIDS epidemic steadily progresses into the new millennium and despite the groundbreaking medical advances since the discovery of HIV in the 1980s, what renewed urgency does World AIDS Day imbue, if any, when over 50% of the newly diagnosed now are under the age of 25?
As a queer Asian American college student living with HIV, I can only attest to and speak from my personal experiences. The past year and a half has been a deeply introspective and personal journey for me, one that has been earnestly difficult but equally as illuminating. It is a war that continues to rage on many fronts and the first battle was the one within myself. I foolishly believed that only certain groups contracted HIV: the promiscuous, the intravenous drug users and the social deviants. So when I received my diagnosis, I was overwhelmed with an incredible shame, a shame so strong that for a time, I was unable to look myself in the mirror. I wasn’t able to recognize myself. How could I have contracted HIV when I was taught all the basics of safer sex? Even though I still believe that HIV doesn’t solely define who I am, the way that I view myself has permanently changed, and it continues to change to this day. But while reality has changed – anyone can fall prey to HIV – the stigma remains, maligning vulnerable groups and continuing to eclipse the dangerous and unavoidable truth that HIV/AIDS is rapidly spreading to other groups and threatens to spiral out of control, if it hasn’t already.
Medical advances and the advent of antiretroviral therapy have dispelled the death sentence that HIV historically conferred and have allowed those living with HIV to lead a longer, healthier, more “normal” life. But while HIV/AIDS is now considered a “manageable” health condition, that fact alone isn’t enough to mitigate the stigma associated with being HIV-positive and its material, psychological and emotional impacts on our lives. While I am fortunate enough to live in an area rich with HIV resources and to have family and friends whom are open and supportive of me, I am fully aware that many others are not as fortunate. I think of all those who continue to live in denial, too afraid to confront the truth of their diagnosis, inevitably delaying precious time to begin treatment and potentially risking the health of their partner(s). And more frighteningly, I think of all those who simply refuse to get tested at all out of fear of what it may illuminate. In the United States, as many as one in four is unaware of their HIV status.
The second battle is the one raging outside. How do we combat HIV stigma if no one dares speak of it. Furthermore, how do we even begin to address the devastation HIV wreaks within our own communities if race, homophobia and class warp that very discussion?
World AIDS Day gives me pause. World AIDS Day reminds me of the estimated 33 million people around the world who are contracting, living with and dying from HIV. World AIDS Day reminds me that to turn the tide of HIV/AIDS, we need to a multifaceted, overarching strategy that not only advocates and promotes safer sex, but also addresses the factors that predispose certain populations to contracting HIV and the many social and structural barriers that prevent many others face from accessing life-saving treatments. We also need to be cognizant of the rise of criminalization of HIV — laws often based on misinformation and outright ignorance — not only around the world, but here in the Americas as well. But more importantly, we need to find avenues for those living with HIV to empower ourselves, to reclaim our sense of agency and to live a life that is as free from stigma as possible — to live a life that is unbeholden to no one, but ourselves.
Turning the negative perception of HIV will take time — much longer than any of us would like — but I fight to be recognized as a human being. And I will continue to fight, combating stigma whenever, wherever I can, one person, one day at a time.
William is the creator and co-founder of the United AIDS Project. You may contact him at william@beyondstatus.org.
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